There's something about dirty talk that can be a real turn on. It could be what's being said, how it's being said, who's saying it, or maybe you just have to be in the mood for it. While some couples prefer to keep their lips sealed, others like to break down walls for their neighbors to hear. You don't have to get really raunchy to do it right. When it comes down to it dirty talk is just like any other seduction.

I once dated a guy who was a huge fan of dirty talk. His name was Tyler. I found out it was one of the milder kinks that he enjoyed in the bedroom. He wasn't into a lot of lascivious things but for some reason he had a thing for dirty talk. I found out early on in our relationship.

"Do you have any turn ons?" I asked. It was Saturday morning and we were hanging out in bed next to each other. He was going over a list of venues for work, while I was playing with a Sodoku puzzle. It was a very random question but I was still curious.

"What do you mean?" he responded.

"Besides physical features, is there anything else that turns you on? Like in bed?" He thought about it for a few seconds. "Well?" I asked, continuing to probe. I could tell something was brewing in his head because he started to blush. He put his paper down and turned his head towards me.

"Dirty talk."

"Dirty talk?" I retorted.

I was a little taken back. I don't know why. He didn't seem like the kind of guy who would be into that kind of stuff. It's not like he told me he was into orgies or threesomes. Tyler was a very tame guy but always gave a good romp around. He wasn't much for toys, games, or funky positions in bed. Doggy style was as "adventurous" as he got. He did like dirty lingerie, but what guy didn't? So for him to say that he was into dirty talk was somewhat surprising.

"The things you would say, the sounds you make, it's really sexy. I like it."

I quickly thought back to all the times we had sex. What could have I possibly said to turn him on? Was I drunk? I don't think so. I would moan the usual "oh's," "ah's," and "ya's." Sometimes I would combine them and give out an "oh ya." Then there there's the occasional "that feels good" or "harder" but nothing so dirty to be considered "sexy." I never really thought about what comes out of my mouth during sex. It just comes out naturally.

I met up with my friend Sheila for lunch. I wanted to get another woman's insight about the topic. Is it something that everyone is into? What are people in bed saying these days?

"Do you use a lot of dirty talk while having sex or is that just not your thing?" I asked.

"Dirty as in what? Like "oh, it feels good' or "ya, deeper?'" she said.

I shrugged. "I guess any kind of dirty talk."

"Ya, I use it. I say "harder,' "I'm so wet,' "you're so hard.' Why? Is Tyler into dirty talk?"

"I'm thinking dirtier. And more graphic. Maybe somewhere along the lines "I like when your hard dick is inside my wet pussy.'" Sheila looked at me with disgust. All of sudden I felt icky for saying that. I guess that's the kind of thing you could only save for the bedroom and you're boyfriend apparently.

"I don't think I could say that. I would feel embarrassed." And she certainly did. Enough said.

Back at work I was screening scenes to build our next show. I took notice at some of the things that these porn stars would say. I figured if you're looking for something dirty to say, turn to the professionals. They would know best. Then again, it doesn't take a genius to come up with this type of shit. Some of these lines were absolutely obscene. I don't think I could bring myself to say these kinds of things while I'm in bed with Tyler. I'm a fucking lady. Plus, I would just feel silly saying it. Then again, sex is sex. It should be fun, playful, and sexy. If this is what gets him going, then why not?

The next time we had sex, I decided to throw out one of those lines and see how he would react. Let's see where it takes us, you know, just for fun. At first I felt stupid. It didn't feel natural. Was he actually buying this shit? But then I noticed that he was really getting into it. He was breathing heavier and moving faster. Then I started getting into it. Watching him getting turned on by my foul mouth was definitely a turn on for me.

"Say that again, baby," he moaned. So I did. Then all of a sudden he said something else that I didn't expect.

"Does that feel good? Tell me what to do."

Moaning, small talk, even a compound sentence every once in a while, I
can handle, but don't ask me questions that require me to think. If I can answer with a few simple words, like a yes or no, then we're golden. How can I possibly answer these questions when you're fucking me? Save it for post sex. It will be obvious if it doesn't feel good. Usually an "ouch," blank stares, or a limp body are good signs to switch it up. I can't stress enough how important communication is during sex, but there are times when you just have to shut the fuck up and get to it already.

I didn't know what to say. I was stumped! I was too far in my zone to respond. Everything was feeling great. I didn't want to ruin my groove so I pretended not to hear him. Instead I continued on "oohing" and "ahing" to divert his attention. I finally came. It was like I crossed the finish line with victory. Eventually he did too. Sometimes you have to get a little dirty to get the job done.

my.asiancemagazine.com/elysia